No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
