I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
