my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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