Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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