If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
