Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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