I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize