the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
