I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
