Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its about making memories worth repressing
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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