We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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