She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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