i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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