he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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