hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
