This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
