Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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