hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
