did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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