new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
