WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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