My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
