oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
