How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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