Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
