I just cut my nipple shaving
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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