Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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