she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
