OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
