So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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