In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize