WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
