This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
