Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
