he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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