Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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