why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
