oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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