new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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