The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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