It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The air was thick with penises
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
