you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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