You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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