I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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