Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
