is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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