Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize