I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
