After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
