i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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