On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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