Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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