Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
