You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
