Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize