3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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