Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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