yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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