I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize