Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is my gift to your gina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
