I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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