I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
