my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
