1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
