if you like me you must not know who I am
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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