remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional