first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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