I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
