hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
