Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
