Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you would pick up someone in the library
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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