My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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