Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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