Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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