And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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