what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize