the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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